Thursday, October 30, 2008

Being the first day of Harvey's Got a Match, I thought it would be appropriate to have a Grand Opening Sale. This week, I have found ideal men for TWO women, and whereas you will ordinarily get to read about just one match for nothing, this week you get TWO for nothing.

My first matchmaking miracle was for Crystal, who writes:

"Live each day as if it was your last because you never know if tomorrow will come."

My unquestionable choice for Crystal is Randolph.

Randolph's pastimes included reading Ben Franklin, Confucius, Jesus, Tibetan Times, Jehovah's Witnesses' Watchtower, Gone with the Wind, Star Trek, and NRA Monthly.

Randolph writes:

"Tomorrow will come, but it might not."

"When tomorrow cometh, ye should live as if it hadenteth."

"Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow someone may say of you, "He's dead, Jim."

"Tomorrow begins the year of the Rooster, let us be silent, and speak only truth."

"A penny saved is a penny earned. You not save, you be solly tomolo."

"Never put off until tomorrow what you can get off my ship today."

"Live each moment in righteousness, for He is watching, even though you can't see him because of the cloaking device."

"If your neighbor slaps you today, turn the other cheek. Tomorrow, shoot his ass."

"You never know if tomorrow will come. That is not logical."

"Give a man a fish, and you feed him today. Teach a man to fish, and HE WILL NEVER BE HUNGRY AGAIN. I can't think about that now. I'll think about it tomorrow."

"Today I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I'm takin' my dog, so it'll be two to beam up."

Our second winner is Beatrice, who writes:

"I'm crazy about Nascar, Harleys, football, drag racing, blues, country, oldies and Motown."

For Beatrice, we have Melville.

Melville writes:

Ahm lookin fer a gurl hoo kin shayr sum o mah fayvorit thins. Ah wud lahk a gurl hoo haz n apreesheeashun fer da fahner thins in lahf. F'rinsins, rayse carin 'n futbal. Ah wud be ok if she had a hankrin' to go along, but if she wanted t'do chores wahl ah wint, that maht be eeven bedder. Cuz it kin be espensiv fer too peepl. But ah gess if ah rilly lahkd her, ah cud pik up n xtra shift at d'Waffl howse.

Now, sumtahms, sum o d'naybers cum over n play d banjo on d porch. Mah frayend Buferd, he is blak n he lahks t'play dem ol toons, lahk stuf frum d'soopreems, n uder blak stuf, ya no, Stop n d naym o God, n R-E-S-P-See Me Pee, n, ya no, d Ten Tashuns n dat stuf. He duz a liddl rap, but ah don git it. Inyway, ah wud lahk a gurl hoo wud injoy joynin us n bringin d food.

Now, mah frind Goober, he lahks d blooz. He must, cuz he iz alwayz depressd as sheeit. Ah wud lahk a gurl hoo wud tell him t go home.

Ah lahk Harlees, n ah want a ritch gurl hoo wud git me wun.

Now ah don bileev in no bayerfut n pregnint filosifee. Cuz den yer feet er derty win y'cum t'bed. N ah lahk awal the sheeit n d howse kleen.

Now sum fokes lahk a gurl hoo iz sifistikated, but ah jist want a regler gurl. Dem sity gurls aint nutin but trubl. Ah had me wun, n she up n lift me fer sum mayin from Nashvil. But not bfor she kleend owt mah lahf sayvins frum d Waffl howse. It wuz ovr a hundrid dollers. Ah wuz gunna uze it t git mah granma a new howse, n now she has t liv wid me, n ah hav t sleep on d floower. N mah bak hurts, n it's hard t empti d trash at d Waffl howse, n ahm afeerd ah cud git fahrd.

So, in clowsin, ah wil jist say, ah want sumwun lahk doly pardin, hoo wil be a wun mayin wumin, n gimme sumthin t play wid win d tv aint werkin.

Monday, October 27, 2008

The Perfect Match

Profile of the Week: Judy Writes...

We are but a string in the web of life.

The Match: My choice for Judy is Bob. Bob is a poet, and has already fallen in love with Judy just from reading her words. Bob fittingly responded with a poem, which was a little long to publish in its entirety. And, to tell you the truth, the last forty pages were a little deep for me to follow.

Bob believes that his gift with words comes from his childhood. Having a name that is spelled the same forward and backward confused him, made him aware of his uniqueness, and forced his mind onto serious matters. I'm hoping that Judy can see the potential these two have. I'm told that having something to look forward to may speed Bob's release.

Bob writes:

I am not a woman

You are

I am but a man

You are not

I am nothing special

You are

I am but a blog on the net of inter

You are not

I think, therefore

You are

I am but a pat of butter on the in of muff

You are not

I look out my window, are you there?

You are

Somewhere. I'm here. Are you coming?

You are not




Why not?

You are but an angel in the heaven of earth

You are

I am but a turd in the forest



I am

You are not

I am but a shopper in the mall of loneliness

I visit it often

The directory map says

You are here


You are not

I Am



You are

You are